When I'm not conquering the world

This post is especially for The Dame who is bitterly jealous of my most fabulous skills because she wishes she was half as awesome as I am asked for it.

When I'm not out conquering the weak and pathetic minions of the surrounding kingdoms, I put my creative mind to good use.  NOT THAT WAY PERVERT!!  Okay, that way too... but I don't blog about that.

Anywhooo...

This is Part 1 of my Sewing Tutorial 101 for anyone who is a cheap miserly bitch like myself wants to learn how to fashion some cheap and easy like most of the hookers around here clothes for the kiddos (because we may be a bunch of hookers, but that doesn't mean we want to dress our kids in department store skankism!)

Depends and Diaper Cream!

I suppose you've heard by now. Those crazy bats kicked the whacky shack and are headed back to the Royal Realm as we speak.

You're probably thinking this means that I'll be stepping back up to the plate to defend my crown as PWT. Clearly, Dutch has already slipped you a batch of brownies!

Hell to the N-O. Who do you think locked those broads up to start with? I mean sure, initially I tried to rescue their inebriated asses from the padded room.  But when I found The Queen snorting crayon shavings off a transvestites jock strap while Dutch added her belly button lint to her brownie mix, I quickly put the judge on the secret payroll for as long as he could keep them!

So if you need me, I'll be adding a few extra sharpened pikes to the perimeter of my palace in case one of those hookers gets the bright idea to enlist my help changing Depends or applying Desitin to their poison ivy rashes.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to contact my Swiss bank account to cancel some automatic transactions and withdrawal funds to up the security on my alligator shoe collection.

I suspect Princess Vet has a ploy.up her sleeve and while she is planning the next move for her Army of flying monkeys, I've hired a top of the line artist to design my next fashion line made from 100% feathered monkey pelts.

A world dictator must always look her best.

Censorship Really PISSES ME OFF!

This is something you as a reader should really take to heart.

I totally get censoring 'age appropriate' or in some cases 'downright offensive' material (i.e. Lil' Sunshine cannot watch Showtime at 2AM on a Saturday and if you're a racist bigot you probably deserve a little censoring to keep someone from shooting you).  But I abhor censorship based solely on your dislike for the content or opinion that it states.

So if you REALLY REALLY want to get my goat... try to censor me!

But Who's Counting and Bridal Mathematics

Did you miss me Monday?  Of course you did if you sobered up!

My apologies not really.  I was busy plotting out my next world domination plan.  In-other-words I was trying to figure out how to squeeze 37.5 hours of work, a preschool parent activity 45 miles away, a client home visit, an agency meeting 75 miles away, and still have room left over for a parent-teacher's conference for Lil' Sunshine all into next week while still recovering from this weekend's vacation to Nebraska and completing the long to-do list that was handed to me by my council today!  World domination has hereby been postponed to December 2025!

Surprisingly, there was no Monday madness!  I almost celebrated before I remembered some high school science lesson about "matter cannot be destroyed, it merely changes form," (if you happen to know my high school science teacher you might let him know I didn't sleep through ALL of his classes).  Anyway, this got me thinking, "Where exactly did the madness from Monday go?"

The answer?