Did You Seriously Bring a Knife to This Gunfight?

To Whom It May Concern:

Seriously?

Did you just interrupt my 'holiday' with your "I put my tampon in backwards today and I'm gonna blame it on the fact that someone was unkind to me 6 months ago"?

Did you then follow that with the accusation that my 'family' is comprised of a bunch of mindless drones who can't think for themselves?  Or the implication that any one of us are worried that we might be 'unfriended' for not sharing the same opinion as another?

Did you get a wild ingrown hair up your ass and say that any one of us are two-faced and cowardly?  That we are 'victim-prone'?  Or my favorite, that some among us are "a sorry excuse of a human being"!!!

Did you then state (after YOU dug up a disagreement LONG DEAD) that you're the one who is not in high school anymore?

What really gets me is that I PICKED YOU!  Here's your history lesson in case you've forgot.

• September 2010 - YOU submitted a resume to be a part of MY family!!  You may have deleted you blog, but I didn't delete the link back to it.  And I backed you 110%.
• In October 2010, you were added to our group.  From there, you worked your way into the hearts of our membership and were promoted to "Sister Wife".  And we loved you for TWO YEARS!
• And on November 28, 2012 I came home from work to find you had unfriended me on facebook for a disagreement I hadn't even heard about yet!  I have always been a firm believer in "if someone can walk away from you, let them" so I can't say it phased me much.  The fact is, I have far too much going on in my REAL LIFE to let petty online bullshit be any more than cheap entertainment!  You can reread that reaction HERE if you need to jog your memory!

So imagine my surprise when I hear you've drug this whole thing back up again!

My first reaction was "Why the fuck do I care what she posted?"

My second reaction was "WHAT the FUCK?!?"

And my third reaction was "Holy fucking HOLDMYDRINK the stilettos are coming OFF!"

Seriously?  Here's some questions to ask yourself.

1. What the fuck is so traumatic in your life that this is something still eating at you after all this time?  This is about as insane as still being pissed at the neighbor guy for letting his dog piss on your tires! (true story... I know that guy)  Do you even know how ridiculous this is?  The neighbor's dog was castrated 2 years ago and he'll still dry hump the shit out of your leg like it's no tomorrow.  Why are you letting that moment still define you?
2. Where do you intend to go from here?  Because honestly, this isn't the start of a Happy Days reunion episode.  This is more like a Britney Spears come back tour!
3. Forget where you're going with it... what was it's purpose to start with?  Because I never really pegged you for an illiterate cunt until now.  I assume you knew HOW to write a "Hey!  I'm BAAAACK" without intentionally egging on the shit storm you know comes from throwing insults at my family.  I realize now that you might only have three brain cells and two of them are holding your asshole shut, but that's really no excuse.

But do you know what really burns my tits?  The fact that you lifted your skirt and mistook your tits for a set of balls!  Your third personality is something "if you were to see this side, you would not come out in very good shape"  You're kidding me right?  I shit scarier things than you!  You want to "read me the riot act"?  BRING IT BITCH!!  To me, you are nothing more than a sniveling, cowardice, attention-starved, cry-baby and I'd squash you for my own personal entertainment without losing a moment of sleep!  So baby, if you're feeling froggy you just go ahead and jump!  I DARE YOU!!

Now, I'm not a bully so I'm not going to keep dragging this up over and over again (but you know that already because we've been down this road before... I'm the one who said my piece and left you alone... you're the one who's digging it up again!).  If you'd like to tuck your tail and walk away from this, I'll let you!  I don't need validation of your defeat.  I simply don't want to do this any more!!  But if you do walk away without saying a word (for the THIRD time!) I highly suggest you make it the LAST TIME!  Because the next time this topic comes up, I won't stop until we've hashed it out like adults.  Just to put that in perspective for you, on the scale of pissed off you've only managed to tip it over to 'vaguely amusing'.  And while that's still a far cry from an ex-husband, I assure you it's a short trip after I lose my sense of humor!

And now, for your viewing pleasure... Something Positive and Hopeful to lift your spirits!