Diary of a Stamp - Part III

I am sorry for the delay on the final chapter of this sage.  I got busy with work/family stuff/getting laid (I wish) and forgot to schedule this post in advance.

So without further ado.  Here is the third and final chapter of Diary of a Stamp:

Don't forget to read Part I and Part II first.

Upon receiving my response to his insubordinate letter, my former uncle responded with this final rebuttal:  

Diary of a Stamp - Part II

If you haven't read Diary of a Stamp - Part I, you'll want to do so before you read this.  Of course, in my quest for world domination, I view my Uncle's response as a sheer act of insolent insubordination.  Normally such treasonous acts would be immediately followed with a Proclamation of Assassination.  However, I do my best to operate on a "one fair warning" rule when it comes to blood relatives (only fair considering non-blood relatives get two good warnings!).

This was my calm and diplomatic response to my Uncle's letter:

I Know What Your Phone Did Last Night

OH THE HORROR!

Oh shut up!  Don't look at me like that!!  I'm suffering from "naked-in-front-of-the-whole-class" syndrome!

STOP STARING before I gouge your eyes out!

Anyway!  My day was going hunky spunky dorey until just a little bit ago.  I got to work early, I had breakfast, I bought a Christmas present for my better half over my lunch break (bonus since it hadn't walked out of the thrift store since I my visit last week)... all was going well.  I made all the phone calls, set up appointments, worked on a newsletter.

And then 4 o'clock rolled around and I packed up everything and headed home with a smile on my face knowing that tonight is date night!  Okay... so 'date' might be a little much considering we're taking Lil Sunshine with us to the movies... but still.  Considering I haven't actually set foot in the 'big city' since I picked up my last paycheck two months ago... it's a BIG DEAL!

So what could possibly be so horrible about today?

Diary of a Stamp - Part 1

In the busy world of total domination, I have yet to find the time for some true writing inspiration.  Therefore, I feel it is only appropriate to kick this blog off with a walk down memory lane.  The Diary of a Stamp happens to be an all time favorite of Judy Susan's and it is only appropriate that it be dusted off the archive shelves and put back out there for your personal entertainment.  So here's the back story...

Attention!

For those of you who are avid readers of "Running Towards the Light" there is really no need for introductions.  Most of you know me, or know of me, or in the very least vaguely recall someone dropping my name (or a vulgar slur in its place) at the last family dinner.  However, for those of you new around here, let me introduce myself!

ATTENTION!

Get your grimy mitts off my ass or you'll be shining my boots with your tongue for a week!

I am Major Sunshine!  
You maggots may call me "Command Sergeant Major Sunshine, SIR"!