Tuesday, September 25, 2012

I Know What Your Phone Did Last Night


Oh shut up!  Don't look at me like that!!  I'm suffering from "naked-in-front-of-the-whole-class" syndrome!

STOP STARING before I gouge your eyes out!

Anyway!  My day was going hunky spunky dorey until just a little bit ago.  I got to work early, I had breakfast, I bought a Christmas present for my better half over my lunch break (bonus since it hadn't walked out of the thrift store since I my visit last week)... all was going well.  I made all the phone calls, set up appointments, worked on a newsletter.

And then 4 o'clock rolled around and I packed up everything and headed home with a smile on my face knowing that tonight is date night!  Okay... so 'date' might be a little much considering we're taking Lil Sunshine with us to the movies... but still.  Considering I haven't actually set foot in the 'big city' since I picked up my last paycheck two months ago... it's a BIG DEAL!

So what could possibly be so horrible about today?

I TOLD YOU IDIOTS!!  It's the whole "NAKED" thing!

Because there I was cruising down the highway, ten miles from home when it hit me...

(No NOT that!  I wore a bra today! Geez!)

I left my phone sitting on my desk which was at that exact moment thirty-five miles in the opposite direction!


I don't know about you people, but I for one do NOT trust my phone.  It calls the wrong people.  It drunk texts.  It has autocorrect.  NO GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS!

To top it all off... I must now 'improvise' an alarm clock.  Not really an issue since I have an actual alarm clock, my Cruz, and my Kindle... except... do you know how GHETTO I feel setting an old fashioned alarm clock after all these years?  My GOD!  How the hell did I survive my adolescence?


So, when we get back from the movies tonight, I will be fumbling with those wretched antique buttons and praying that I get the AM/PM correct so that I can wake up on time for work.  If you happen to be among the privileged individuals who have my number... call and wake me up!  OH... SHIT!!  You can't because this is the twenty-first century where we pay the phone company for a land line, but we don't actually own a phone that can plug into that line!!


On a plus side, I do love to annoy people, and providing the battery on my phone does not die before then... my cell phone alarm will begin ringing at 5:35 AM and continue ringing randomly (4 alarms are programed to get my ass out of bed in the morning) until the battery does die!  Those early birds who staggered into work before dawn will be greatly annoyed by the time I get there at 8:15.


P.S.  Stay tuned tomorrow afternoon for Diary of a Stamp - Part II


  1. LOL well I'm glad you posted this. Had I called you and you did not answer followed by dead silence, I would be calling your better half wanting to know if you were ok. or, trying 6 times and giving up, only to find out it's my phone that was not working, not yours.

  2. Do you have comments on? Cause I left an awesome one, and it's gone.

  3. Oh my. I am saying a quick prayer for the people at your office that will now have to deal with your phone. And please, turn away, your nakedness is blinding me

  4. The good news is I got to work to find my phone had NOT massacred anyone in the middle of the night. The bad news is that without my phone to guard the property, something tampered with the brakes (aka, I've ignored that THUD THUD sound for a month) and now the car is in the shop. The good news is... I don't feel NAKED without my car (but don't tell the car!)