Thursday, June 20, 2013
Don't get me wrong, my family was by no means a bunch of conservative A-holes (okay, some of them are). There were a fair share of off-colored jokes thrown out and the N-word was not unheard of. My uncle taught us what it meant to sit in the "back of the bus" and my father cursed every African American sitcom on the three stations our television got. We bitched about taxes and politicians and city-folk. We complained about Welfare Queens and drag-queens, and my father would have had a stroke if we'd played any music by Queen. But when it came to REAL LIVE people, you've probably never met a more welcoming and unbiased group of people. It didn't matter if your were black, white, brown or purple. It didn't matter if you were married, divorced, or 'living in sin'. It didn't matter if your past was littered with felonies or drunken excursions. When it came to REAL LIVE people what really mattered was the smile on your face, the sparkle in your eyes and the willingness to work hard and be kind to others. As conservative as they were, my family would be the first to stand up for the 'little guy' or speak out about some injustice (great or small). As conservative as they were, my family was surrounded by dear friends of different races, different backgrounds, different finances, different relationships, and very different opinions.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Friday, May 31, 2013
1. She's HOT! I know right? 2. While her blog might be fairly new, I must say she's been cracking me up daily on bookface for some time now. 3. I vaguely recall something about her calling me her wife at some point. While I do not swing that way and am utterly devoted to Mr. Sunshine, I am also unfamiliar with the laws regarding verbally declared internet marriage. Therefore, to spare myself a nasty divorce, I'm expressing my loyalty to this pseudo marriage until my lawyer contacts me about the details.
That being said...
You know who my other favorite new blogger is?
Because I'm pretty sure Bananaland is on the southern border of OZ and there is a great possibility that The Queen of Bananaland and The Queen of WTF were long lost cousins or half-sisters or evil twins.
I royally crack up every time I read her posts. No seriously! I'm talking childhood-flashback-someone-call-my-therapist-I'm-having-a-relapse cracking up!
I'm totally stalking her!
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
I don't remember exactly what happened last night after we got booted from the restaurant. I vaguely recall dancing with some hottie in a smokey night club. (Who knew there were smokey night clubs in SLC? Me! Don't ask!) The next thing I remember was some chick up in my face claiming he was her man (he didn't look like hers with his hand on my ass) and how dare I and then she crossed the line. I honestly cannot be held responsible when someone decides to throw out the "stupid bitch" card. Bitch? Oh hell yes! But stupid? I wonder how many times I'd have to flush the toilet before you stop thrashing!
Monday, May 13, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
It is my personal opinion that censorship is a weapon of cowardice. Religious groups attempt to censor material because they fear the way it challenges their beliefs. Politicians would love to censor certain records and information because they fear the way it would impact the public (or the views of their constituents). Parents try to censor things because they fear how it will impact their children.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
"Obscenis, peream, Priape, si nonuti me pudet improbisque verbis.sed cum tu posito deus pudoreostendas mihi coleos patentes,cum cunno mihi mentula est vocanda- "To Priapus" from The Priapeia
Having recently been 'called out' for my own vulgar and profane language, I thought it only appropriate to dedicate an entire blog post to the subject. I'm not writing this because I feel the need to somehow validate myself to the individual who is unapproving of me. On the contrary, I'm writing it because it will be fun.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
NO! I didn't say we were going to cuddle! Get back in your seats!
I said, we're going to have a heart to heart.
I was at a training a few weeks ago and this question was posed:
What did Einstein say was the one attribute that drives the most people to the Devil?
Monday, May 6, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
When I'm not out conquering the weak and pathetic minions of the surrounding kingdoms, I put my creative mind to good use. NOT THAT WAY PERVERT!! Okay, that way too... but I don't blog about that.
This is Part 1 of my Sewing Tutorial 101 for anyone who
Friday, March 29, 2013
I suppose you've heard by now. Those crazy bats kicked the whacky shack and are headed back to the Royal Realm as we speak.
You're probably thinking this means that I'll be stepping back up to the plate to defend my crown as PWT. Clearly, Dutch has already slipped you a batch of brownies!
Hell to the N-O. Who do you think locked those broads up to start with? I mean sure, initially I tried to rescue their inebriated asses from the padded room. But when I found The Queen snorting crayon shavings off a transvestites jock strap while Dutch added her belly button lint to her brownie mix, I quickly put the judge on the secret payroll for as long as he could keep them!
So if you need me, I'll be adding a few extra sharpened pikes to the perimeter of my palace in case one of those hookers gets the bright idea to enlist my help changing Depends or applying Desitin to their poison ivy rashes.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to contact my Swiss bank account to cancel some automatic transactions and withdrawal funds to up the security on my alligator shoe collection.
I suspect Princess Vet has a ploy.up her sleeve and while she is planning the next move for her Army of flying monkeys, I've hired a top of the line artist to design my next fashion line made from 100% feathered monkey pelts.
A world dictator must always look her best.