Wednesday, October 10, 2012

But Who's Counting and Bridal Mathematics

Did you miss me Monday?  Of course you did if you sobered up!

My apologies not really.  I was busy plotting out my next world domination plan.  In-other-words I was trying to figure out how to squeeze 37.5 hours of work, a preschool parent activity 45 miles away, a client home visit, an agency meeting 75 miles away, and still have room left over for a parent-teacher's conference for Lil' Sunshine all into next week while still recovering from this weekend's vacation to Nebraska and completing the long to-do list that was handed to me by my council today!  World domination has hereby been postponed to December 2025!

Surprisingly, there was no Monday madness!  I almost celebrated before I remembered some high school science lesson about "matter cannot be destroyed, it merely changes form," (if you happen to know my high school science teacher you might let him know I didn't sleep through ALL of his classes).  Anyway, this got me thinking, "Where exactly did the madness from Monday go?"

The answer?

Monday, October 1, 2012

Monday Madness: You Put a Roofie in My What?

At their best, Mondays are generally maddening for all of us.  Okay, so maybe they aren't maddening for you good, righteous Christians who spend your Sunday basking in the light of glory.  But the rest of us heathens spend it cussing at our children, begging them to have their shit ready in the morning, and fighting off unwanted advances from a husband who believes "I'm hungry and want to kill your child" is code for ass-grab/boob-squeeze SUPER COMBO!  So needless to say, by the time we shove walk our little demonspawns darlings onto the hallelujah caravan school bus at the ass crack of dawn in the breaking dawn of morning while we chug a fifth of whiskey sip our morning coffee... the last thing in the world we want to do is spoil the moment by getting ourselves ready for work.

So whether your Monday was mundane, mediocre, maniacal, or just plain 'meh', I bring you Monday Madness which is sure to make the rest of your week fly by... okay, that's a lie... I offer no money back guarantees when it comes to undoing the damage of a Monday (any day for that matter since the world is over-stupid-opulated allowing any day to become infected with Monday-itis).  Still... reading my banter surely won't make your week any worse (unless of course I'm writing about you... in which case you probably fucked up my Monday and I'm just returning the favor!)