Friday, March 29, 2013

Depends and Diaper Cream!

I suppose you've heard by now. Those crazy bats kicked the whacky shack and are headed back to the Royal Realm as we speak.

You're probably thinking this means that I'll be stepping back up to the plate to defend my crown as PWT. Clearly, Dutch has already slipped you a batch of brownies!

Hell to the N-O. Who do you think locked those broads up to start with? I mean sure, initially I tried to rescue their inebriated asses from the padded room.  But when I found The Queen snorting crayon shavings off a transvestites jock strap while Dutch added her belly button lint to her brownie mix, I quickly put the judge on the secret payroll for as long as he could keep them!

So if you need me, I'll be adding a few extra sharpened pikes to the perimeter of my palace in case one of those hookers gets the bright idea to enlist my help changing Depends or applying Desitin to their poison ivy rashes.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to contact my Swiss bank account to cancel some automatic transactions and withdrawal funds to up the security on my alligator shoe collection.

I suspect Princess Vet has a ploy.up her sleeve and while she is planning the next move for her Army of flying monkeys, I've hired a top of the line artist to design my next fashion line made from 100% feathered monkey pelts.

A world dictator must always look her best.


  1. Hey! Don't knock a good snort of crayon shavings, dear niece. And if a transvestite jock strap is involved, all the more reason to PART-AY!

    I'm on my way to the tanning bed after the unfortunate cabana boy incident. I get you to scratch a little spot I can't reach?...

  2. Sorry I'm so late commenting. I found the Crayon box and I was.... oh look at all the pretty colors.........................................